


Half-Unknown Things

by nonky



Series: Aegis [2]
Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9912575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: "Jane. I know when I'm in the doghouse," Kurt said reasonably. He didn't care what it implied, it was accurate. Jane had a problem and the person to upset her the most recently - other than her homicidal mother - was him. "What I need to know is if it's going to affect this mission?"





	

Caring about a person's happiness didn't mean making them happy all the time. Jane's approval of his choices didn't always matter. Kurt Weller didn't want to be at odds with her. Their friendship was probably the only nice and relaxing thing in his life lately. They'd put in a lot of effort - unseen and sometimes unnoticed - to get to a good place. 

When she'd been rescued, she'd been impressionable. His word had been law, and only imminent threat had brought out her stubborn streak. Now he had to work at getting her on-side, making his points in words and winning her agreement.

He'd saved her life by risking his own. She hadn't been okay with that, but she'd also made more of it than it deserved. His momentary risk had somehow added up to some bigger, harsher reality he wasn't grasping. Jane was Shepherd's daughter. Her life had been war, and maybe she really could predict some cost of lives he wasn't understanding.

Her body language was arguing with him. Jane stood a little away from the others, no glances to acknowledge her team or him. She had heard the plan, paid attention, but her body was hanging inattentively, under protest.

Kurt scanned the other faces, looking for unvoiced concerns. "Any issues with the plan? Jane?"

She looked at him fully, shaking her head.

"It's fairly straightforward. I can't foresee any problems." Her eyes were shuttered, a step further than concerns held back until they were in private

"Then why do I feel like you're yelling at me inside your head," he asked pointedly. 

She looked surprised. "I'm fine. I didn't sleep well."

The passive rejection was active resentment now, her shoulders telling him she not only didn't want to talk but had decided not to tell him anything. 

"Jane. I know when I'm in the doghouse," Kurt said reasonably. He didn't care what it implied, it was accurate. Jane had a problem and the person to upset her the most recently - other than her homicidal mother - was him. "What I need to know is if it's going to affect this mission?"

He wanted to threaten to leave her safely at the office. That was pulling rank, and would set him up to lose dozens of future battles in the larger war of getting her trust to keep forever. He wouldn't use it like a trophy, polished up and displayed to show off to people. He'd wear it like a ring on a chain at his neck, close to live with it and care for it so it remained gleaming.

"I'd tell you if there was a problem," she said. "The mission should be fine."

He felt his jaw go tighter, and spoke through his teeth. "We can talk about this later, but if you're not up to going, I need to hear it before we're in the field."

"Not everything is about you." It was restrained, an underground river of bitterness. Jane was never unfair, and she lived with her past by taking responsibility for choices she hadn't yet existed to make. If she'd suddenly snapped and started throwing things, he couldn't have been more shocked.

Only one person was new to her life, Kurt knew. That boyfriend, and whatever he'd done were the likeliest cause of Jane being upset now. He was through being respectfully supportive of Jane's dating.

Oliver Kind was going to find himself mistakenly identified as a spy and dragged away for a day of CIA interrogation. No one would hurt him, but he would be frightened and made aware Jane was a privilege to be earned.

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't want to talk about this here. It's not about work, it's not about Shepherd and it's not about you," she said tightly. "The mission is fine. I won't go if you don't want me there."

Jane hated to be left out of missions. She cared too much about people not to worry what would come of not being there to protect them. 

"It's not about cutting you out of the mission. I need you with me, and the last time you were not I got myself kidnapped and someone died," he said, speaking quickly before someone else butted in trying to fix this. 

It was low, playing on guilt that wasn't hers to shoulder. Kurt knew it. He looked around and everyone was desperately uncomfortable. It was a personal problem now, and he'd pushed it too far to give in. He didn't believe anything with Jane had ever been trivial, so nothing could be patched up and presumed to be okay.

Jane's pout was pulled back into stoicism in a second. It was why he stared at her so often. Her face gave things away but only if he caught those tiny moments of pain and anxiety. "If I'd had any idea - I would do anything -" she said, breaking off and trying to gather herself. 

He was such an asshole. He didn't know when he'd gone beyond terse and a little too blunt to a tank driving over people. Kurt crossed the room and took her arm. She was freshly wounded, and gave no resistance. 

"I was out of line. We're going to go to my office while the team gets ready to go. If you could pick up gear for Jane and me along the way, we'll keep on schedule," he said generally, then looked at her as she shifted with a miserable expression to the door ahead of him. "After you."

Kurt was beginning to worry he was the most disruptive person in his office. He had to get this paranoia of not knowing Jane's every thought under control. It was a superstition they shared, because they knew better than to hide Shepherd's manipulations.

She faced the wall and tears welled up as she sniffled out the truth, finally.

"I told Roman I erased his memories. He's not speaking to me."

"Jane . . . " He should have been there for that conversation. God knew what Roman had said, but they'd needed a buffer. Even if her brother had said nothing, his face would have haunted Jane for however long she'd been pretending not to be shattered.

He'd ordered her not to, but this was bigger than that. It had been too much to expect, and Kurt wasn't capable of getting angry at her when she was being stubborn and in his face. Crying, Jane was only going to get sympathy.

"He deserved to hear it from me and I might not live long enough to tell him later. He needed to hear it explained. I'll never understand why I would do this to myself," Jane pointed to her own head, unconsciously mimicking a gun with her fingers. "No one in Sandstorm is going to give me that answer. I took that away from myself - twice when I used ZIP on Roman. But he's still my brother."

Kurt cursed the windows that represented the literal transparency of his office. Sometimes he needed to look unhinged and vent, and his people all glanced in upon every pass through the room. He couldn't be in here holding Jane while others were working. He paced, because it felt marginally better. 

"You didn't have to do that alone," he said kindly. "I would have gone with you. You can trust me."

He'd said it so many times the words were a mantra. Jane could trust him. He would give her the peace that would let her heal and then she could trust him. He would get it back, and know that it was his to keep. 

"I do trust you, I always did," she said. "And I was right. Everything in my body told me to run, at first just anywhere else. Later, it was to you and away from anyone else. I didn't listen. I didn't know memories weren't necessary to know when I was in danger. Roman was feeling that. He was feeling that for me. He wanted to trust me but couldn't. Now he gets to find someone he can trust."

Everything about her life as Jane had been so hard. She didn't seem to even see half of the injustice that she waded through to make it out of bed. Kurt had wanted to spare her losing her brother's company. He should have confessed himself, made it an order he'd given her, instead of a choice she'd taken out of Roman's hands. 

"You're trying to prove yourself to everyone all at once," Kurt told her. "It's not manageable, Jane. Everyone here can see you're doing your best. Everyone here sees you with Roman."

She sighed, turning to look at him with frustration. 

"And everyone here who matters has heard Dr. Sun say Roman and I are broken emotionally, probably psychopaths. I wanted to trust Oscar. I wanted to have something familiar and safe. It was a lie, so it didn't work," she said. "Roman can feel the void where there's a lack of honesty. He just didn't have a name for it until I said something."

No one but Jane could say how lies had impeded her recovered memories. The months of being told she was Taylor Shaw had set back her understanding of what she'd been caught in, tying her ankles while urging her to stand. Dr. Sun did not know everything, and Kurt couldn't accept her diagnosis. Jane and Roman felt immensely, loved each other nearly to the exclusion of other people and suffered too much guilt not to care about humanity as a whole. 

"What do we do to help him," Kurt asked. 

She grimaced down at her shoes. "I didn't have a plan to get back here, but we did. You start walking, hopefully in the right direction. Roman likes you. He wants to trust you, and he should. I'll keep my distance and let you do the talking."

"He's going to forgive you."

"He will, but not for a while. First he has to feel bad about it. First he has to hurt," she sighed.

"That part doesn't last as long as it seems. I look back and the first few weeks were hell. But the time you get through without giving up starts to feel like progress. I didn't start out walking. I was pretty good with standing still in it. I limped, some days I could run. I plodded along and my feet knew where I needed to be."

He stopped in front of her, both of them calmer. Jane looked up into his face and her body faced his squarely, adapting to his turmoil slowing to a simmer. 

"Help Roman, please? Even if it means you have to distance yourself from me." 

There had never been bigger, greener eyes than when hers filled with tears. It was almost obscene how beautiful they looked amplified in the lens of her feelings allowed to overflow. Weller knew it didn't excuse him from bullying her to tears, but they'd needed to talk and now they had.

"It's not either-or. Saving you first allowed you to save Roman. Saving you has saved a lot of lives along the way. Even if it hadn't, I'm doing both." He nodded, to himself mostly. 

He was going to do better, but in a gentler way. He was going to find a way to cope with the endless unwinding of Shepherd's damage to Jane's family that didn't force conversations when she was brittle with stress.

"So much of what I ask from you is not your job," Jane said, smiling tiredly. 

"If they'd slipped you into my golf bag or left you in my car while I was in the store, nothing would be any different," he joked. "You needed help. Ask for what you need. I'll try to ask you what you need, instead of melting down in front of the team. Come here."

He allowed himself one hug, short and cherishing. Jane went to him with a tiny noise of contentment.

"Are we both good to go to work?"

"I'll get cleaned up and I'm good. It would probably be a nice distraction to storm a building," Jane said. "We do have to stop making scenes in front of the whole team, though."

He looked out at the many agents very studiously not looking at them standing a little too close. He didn't care if they'd seen him hugging Jane. It was a reflex to hold her when he miraculously got her back unharmed from Sandstorm. It did make him cringe to think of the inevitable gossip, but not enough to make him regret anything.

"They need something to talk about at lunch, Jane," Kurt chided her gently. "Don't be so selfish. We have enough drama we can share some of it."

"Boost Morale by Yelling: Modern Management Principles by Kurt Weller," Jane said ironically.

"At this point, people would find it odd if I didn't," he told her wisely.


End file.
